As fathers, we have the primary responsibility of teaching and leading our children in the things of God. Several verses come to mind. First, Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This verse is not a promise, but a truism, meaning that this is usually what happens when one trains up their children correctly, not a guarantee of what will happen. The word “train up” was originally used to refer to the act of a midwife chewing up dates and rubbing them on the palate of an infant to promote sucking before breast feeding. In essence, the act was meant to cause the infant to salivate and want to eat. Here is the application: To “train up” our children is more than just reading the bible, it is teaching it and living it in such a way that we cause our children to earnestly desire and hunger after Christ.
The second verse is Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Paul probably has in mind Proverbs 22:6 when he is writing this. Notice also that the command is to the fathers, not the mothers. Nowhere does the New Testament charge the mothers with the primary responsibility of leading the family spiritually; that task is specifically given to the fathers. Why? Because the fathers are meant to be the prophet, priest, and king of their household. All of these three offices find the finality of their fulfillment in Christ, but as ones who are called to imitate Christ to their families, we will see that fathers are meant, through the grace of Christ, to image these offices.
The father as prophet- In the Old Testament, the prophet would receive a word from God and then relay it to the people. As they proclaimed “Thus says the Lord,” they stood with their back to God in front of the people, on behalf of God. The prophets were the moral and theological compass for the nation of Israel. They spoke to the people about God’s views on ethics, values, and spirituality.
In the home, the father is called to perform this function. Dads, we are the ones called to set the standards in our home. We are the ones called to stand before our family and say “Thus says the Lord.” We are the ones to communicate to our families what the bible teaches and what it says about certain issues. This means, like a prophet, you need to spend time with God in prayer and the study of the Word so that you can fulfill your calling with excellence.
The father as priest- In the Old Testament, the priest stood with his back to the people and his face towards God. He looked to God and interceded on behalf of the people. In the New Testament, Jesus fulfills this role by sitting at the right hand of the Father on our behalf, constantly making intercession for us. In essence, a priest is a mediator; a bridge between God and men, called to lead people into God’s presence.
In the home, the father is called to perform this function. Fathers are the ones who have been given the responsibility of ministering to, for, and with their family. Fathers, we are the ones who should stand face to face with our Heavenly Father, praying and pleading to God on their behalf. We are to intercede for our families; we are to bridge the gap. As a father, the greatest thing you can do for your children is pray for them. This means you have to be a man of prayer, and that you have to have a consistent, daily time to do this.
This also means you should lead the charge in praying for your teenagers; but not only pray for them, pray with them. Lead them into God’s presence. Furthermore, you should be the one leading the family to worship on Sundays, making sure that they have the opportunity to experience God in this manner. When dads are leading the way like this, it helps teenagers connect the bible, church, and life together in a proper way.
The father as king- In the Old Testament, the role of the king was one of authority and rule. He was responsible for the protection, provision, and leadership of the country. Jesus fulfills this role as being “head” over the church: He rules over her, protects her, and provides for her.
As fathers, we are the ones who are called to provide, protect, and lead our homes. But what does that look like? First, let’s deal with the word “provider.” This term has been hijacked and twisted to mean that the father is simply meant to be the professional provider of material things, and the children are meant to be the profession consumers thereof. But this is not what a true provider is. A provider is not merely a dispenser. During the time of Christ, a father served six functions to provide and prepare his children:
1. Industry- The father was the one who made the furniture, some of the clothing, and even, at times, the house. In our day, this role has been taken over by businesses.
2. Spiritual- The father was the one who lead his family in spiritual matters. Today, this has been either neglected or thrown onto the church.
3. Education- Fathers were responsible for educating their children. Today, this is mostly done by schools.
4. Protection- The father was the one who looked out for the safety and security of his family. This role is now mainly the responsibility of law enforcement.
5. Recreation- Fathers would spend time with their children in meaningful dialogue and activity. Today, entertainment has mostly ravaged this one.
6. Building up- Fathers were responsible for edifying their children emotionally and spiritually. Today, secular humanism and self-esteem based teaching have replaced the role of scripture.
Is it any wonder that men feel emasculated and empty in our society today? Is it any wonder that they lack a sense of sacrifice and adventure? How do we, as men, as fathers, regain our sense of rule and authority in a culture that has all but stripped it from us?
We have to reclaim our God-given responsibilities and stop letting culture fulfill the role we were meant to. Does this mean that everyone should pull their kids out of school and that we should seek the overthrow of law enforcement? No, not by any means. What it does mean is that we begin to see these things as our responsibility, not societies. It means that we become intentional about educating our children about God and life. It means that we provide for our children not just in material things, but by creating for them an emotionally and spiritually stable home and meeting the deeper needs. It means that we protect our children not only physically, but from the lies and deceptions that are rampant in this world.
Finally, I would like to close with some practical ways to implement what has been discussed. One way is to let your teenagers see you study the bible. You want this image burned into the mind of your teenager. They need to know that their dad is a dad who studies the Word. Next, lead your family in worship. In some of the earlier blog post, I have given practical steps in how to go about doing this.
As dads, we need to ask ourselves why our families exist. Here is a quote from Family Driven Faith by Voddie Bauchum to put things into perspective:
“Why are we here? Does our family exist to prepare children for the Major Leagues? If so, then baseball will be the center of our family’s universe, and everything will bow to the whims and wishes of the baseball god. Does our family exist to produce socialites? If so, then our family must revolve around the social calendars of our overloaded teenagers and their hectic schedules. However, if our family exists to glorify and honor God and to lay a Biblical foundation in the lives of our children, then we must not allow anything to interfere with our commitment to family worship, prayer, and Bible study.”
It all boils down to priority and determination. We must fight for what is truly important, and guard it as invaluable.
Last but not least, love your wife. No, I mean really love her. Love her sacrificially. Let your children see that she is the most precious thing to you. Display your love and devotion to her in how you speak to her and how you speak about her in front of your children. Will you have disagreements; of course. However, these disagreements should never be allowed to escalate to screaming and negative language. You must remember that you are modeling for your teens actions or attitudes that they will carry over into their own marriages one day. Also, don’t be afraid to let your teenagers see a little affection between mom and dad; a quick kiss, a long hug, holding hands, etc. All these reinforce that mom and dad love each other.
In the next few posts, we will look at some practical steps that relate to the how of discipling teenagers.